The beginning of a breakup is excruciating.
Believe me, I know.
But what I’ve experienced is that you have an opportunity here.
It’s the first 30 days where you can lay the foundation for a fast recovery.
What you do now, before the false belief system can take hold, will determine how fast and how thoroughly you will heal.
I know that right now, you are probably tormented by panic, fear, disorientation, and desperation. It’s the timeframe where we are usually stuck in the first three stages of grief.
That means you haven’t adjusted to the breakup yet and are looking for answers and closure.
All this is causing extreme emotional turmoil.
But it doesn’t have to be that bad.
There are ways to minimize all these negative emotions AND align yourself automatically to your recovery.
As a result, no matter what happens next, you are protected and perfectly equipped for everything that might come next.
Sound good? Let’s dive in.
Seven Things to Start Doing Immediately After a Fresh Breakup
This is a list of things you should instantly do right after the breakup. This has proven itself to be hugely successful in my experience of coaching clients since 2005.
It's based on feedback and input from people who have actually lived through it (myself included).
Following just these seven principles will cut off a considerable part of your healing time, and you’ll start feeling much better, much sooner.
But a little warning first: Please don’t fall into the “I know that already” trap. It is one thing to know something and an entirely different thing to put it into daily action.
So without further ado, let's start with #1.
1. Take Care of Your Body and Mind
This might seem obvious and simple to follow. But it really isn't. Because after a breakup, we tend to self-destruct, in one way or another.
Often, we don't feel like doing anything (in my case, I didn't leave bed for three weeks).
It's okay to take a time-out, but at some point, you have to get up and start taking care of yourself, or else you'll be lost in a downward spiral.
This is what I want you to do NOW:
- GET UP.
- Start exercising your body regularly (go to a gym).
- Try to eat healthily (find the perfect middle — don’t overeat, don’t eat too little).
- Give yourself enough sleep.
You should also watch your thoughts and interrupt negative thinking patterns.
In a nutshell, be kind to yourself and treat yourself well and with respect.
Because when YOU don’t do it, how can you expect that someone else WILL?
2. Stop Overthinking
I’m sure you’ve experienced it already: the obsessing, ruminating, analyzing, should have, could have, and the “why why whys,” 24/7.
We seem unable to escape the urge to relive every moment we spent together and analyze every second of it for clues and hints on WHY all this happened.
I call this the “Vicious Cycle of Thoughts”.
Let me tell you a little secret I discovered a long time ago (and this is coming from someone who obsessed over an Ex for an unusually long time):
There is NO big hidden truth that needs discovering.
There isn’t anything you will find by putting your brain into overdrive that will help you move forward.
It will only wear you out emotionally and physically … and throw you back in your recovery.
The devious thing about this is that the longer you are caught in this cycle, the harder it is to get out of it … and the worse you feel.
It’s like quicksand.
You need to stop it immediately. This can really harm you, trust me here.
3. Start Following the No-Contact Rule Immediately
It is my firm belief — and this is backed up with over 13 years of experience in coaching clients — that going No-Contact is an absolute necessity.
I know there are many reasons you think that you can’t do it. But trust me, you can, no matter the circumstances.
It may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but you will be grateful that you did it.
Here’s a No Contact step-by-step guide on how to follow it with the least amount of pain involved.
4. Find Things You Are Grateful For
At the moment, you are surrounded by negativity. Emotional landmines are everywhere. Everything stabs you in the heart.
You need something positive in your life.
Practicing gratefulness is an excellent way to start. It sets the foundation for attracting good into your life.
But I know what you are thinking:
“How am I ever going to find something I’m grateful for NOW when everything around me is in pieces?”
It’s easy when you allow the possibility.
Because there is always something to be grateful for. All you need to do is look around you.
Think about all those things you are taking for granted in your life.
(If you absolutely cannot think of anything to be grateful for, this list of things to be thankful for will get you started.)
5. Start a Journal
This is something you’ll be happy you did later, and it will help you a big deal with your recovery:
Start a journal (on a computer or on paper), and write at least once a day about the progress you are making in your recovery.
Write about how you feel, what is going through your head, what was right about the day, and what wasn't. You can also write letters to your Ex (which you do NOT send).
Get everything out of your system.
You will find that journal writing will give you relief and helps you express yourself.
6. Do What You've Always Wanted to Do
Each one of us has things that we always planned to do but kept continually putting off.
Like traveling to that beautiful place you've been dreaming about or having this unique hobby. Maybe you always wanted to do a bungee-jump or swim with dolphins.
No matter what it is, NOW is the best time to do it.
I cannot recommend this enough; it will train your independence and give you a first sense of YOU. You will have done something for yourself that you'll never forget.
At the same time, you’ve done something valuable for your recovery.
7. Find an Accountability Partner
The first seven to 30 days after the breakup, you can’t trust yourself, your judgment, or your decisions.
You are a panic-fueled, lizard-brain-driven, love-drug addict.
You need someone who looks after you, acts as a No Contact partner, and corrects your course from time to time.
That is why our private members' forum is such a valuable place. People post there instead of contacting their Ex and doing stupid things.
Sometimes it’s good to make mistakes and learn from them, but it’s better to learn from the mistakes others made instead.
Find a place or a person who can assist you through this mess.
ConclusionRight after a breakup, you are a panic-fueled, lizard-brain-driven, love-drug addict. —Eddie Corbano
You can’t trust yourself at the beginning of the breakup.
Your brain is telling you one thing, your heart something else. Often, you are torn between two fires.
That’s why we make mistakes that we dearly regret later.
IF you don’t know what to do, then do THIS:
Follow and trust the seven items on this list blindly, and believe me when I say that you will heal much quicker and more thoroughly.
The list will keep you from making the mistakes of most breakup survivors, and it will advance your recovery right from the start.
Honestly, I wish that I had this list right after my own breakup … it would have spared me lots of pain.